If you wander into any comment section of a porno (yeah, I don’t know why I do), then you might notice a lot of words that are unfamiliar to a vanilla mind. Here is my non-inclusive list and definitions of sexual and relationship terminologies. I have learned these through discussions, research, first-hand accounts, and a lot of questions. Please keep in mind that these terms can be related but does not mean that every person who lives a non-vanilla lifestyle partakes in every aspect. Assuming that someone who is a sub is also into anal is just rude and makes you look like an ass. Every person and their desires are unique, and all expectations and dynamics should be discussed before actions.
Anal (noun): placing an object, typically a penis, into the anus. This act is not regulated to one gender as both men and women can be fucked in the ass with both another penis or an object such as a strap-on dildo.
BDSM (noun): the acronym of a very broad umbrella of non-vanilla activity. Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission, Sadism and Masochism.
Bisexual (adjective): willingness to have sex with both genders. Males and females can be bisexual.
Buffalo (noun): a single male willing to engage in a swinging relationship with a couple. They are everywhere and can typically be seen lurking in the corners of swinging parties hoping to be invited into the mix.
Cuckold (noun or verb): a male who enjoys seeing his wife getting fucked by someone who is not him. A female version is a cuckquean.
Dominant (noun, verb, adjective): someone who commands, someone who requires submission of those whom they dominate. Also known as a Top or a Dom. The person they dominate is called a submissive. Not all Dom’s require a sexual relationship with their submissive but it is more typical than not. A Dom can be a male or a female, but a female is called a Domme instead of a Dom. In a 24/7 BDSM relationship, a Dom is called a Master and a Domme is called a Mistress.
Dungeon (noun): a special room that is reserved for scenes. This room can be filled with sexual devices and anything required for a scene to take place.
Hall Pass (noun): when one member of a relationship gives open reign for their partner to engage in sexual relations with a third party. Hall passes can be based upon time (I.e. A day, a weekend, indefinitely), zip code, or occasion.
The Lifestyle (noun): the world of swinging. A couple who swings is said to be “in the lifestyle.”
Masochism (noun): Enjoyment that comes from physical and/or emotional pain. Someone who likes masochism is called a masochist (noun).
Open relationship (noun): when a couple chooses to open their sexual relationship to other people. This is not cheating. It is discussed prior to any sexual engagements with people outside of the relationship.
Sadism (noun): Enjoyment that comes from inflicting physical and/or emotional pain upon others. Someone who is into sadism is called a sadist (noun).
submissive (noun, verb, adjective): I purposefully un-capitalized it. Submissives are obedient to their Dom(me) and trust their Dom(me) with their physical and mental well-being. They are also known as subs or bottoms and can be male or female. In a 24/7 BDSM relationship, a sub is called a slave.
Swinging (noun, verb, adjective): when a couple engages in sexual relations with other couples. This is a very broad term and there are multiple times of swinging that I will try to cover. Swinging is strictly sexual and no emotional attachment is supposed to occur.
Switch (noun, verb): Someone who is capable of being both Dominant and submissive determinate upon who they are with. Some people can be Dominant to one person while also being submissive to someone else.
Scene (noun): an active time and place that BDSM dynamics take place. Scenes are usually discussed beforehand by both parties unless there is a pre-determined agreement. For those who live in a 24/7 BDSM relationship, scenes are non-stop. For example, a Master and slave relationship doesn’t require a scene because their life is a constant scene. For others, BDSM only occurs inside the bedroom and those acts are called scenes.
Threesome (noun): to engage in a sexual act with a total of three people at one time. Not all parties involved have to touch or engage sexually. A male, female, male is MFM, etc.
Unicorn (noun): a single female willing to engage in a swinging relationship with a couple. They are called unicorns because they do not exist.
Vanilla (adjective): a person who is unknowing of or unwilling to delve into sexual acts that go beyond the typical positions and flavors. It is the “blandest” way to have sex. This isn’t talking down to those who choose to live a vanilla lifestyle, but it comes from the idea that a “spicier” lifestyle (read: what magazines like Cosmo tell you to do to liven your sex life is typically borrowing from a non-vanilla lifestyle and diluting it so other people don’t freak out) does exist.