Sexual Acts As Told By A Marine

Below is a list of sexual acts that were always joked about when I was in the Marine Corps while everyone sat around bullshitting. I’ve found that a lot of civilians don’t know these but they are decently hilarious and I thought I would share. Disclaimer: some of these might just be jokes told between Marines but everyone would always laugh. 2nd Disclaimer: This is me speaking like a Marine with no filter. Please stop clutching your pearls.

One-eyed Pirate: Kick her in the shin and cum in her eye.

Strawberry Shortcake: Fuck her on her period, cum on her stomach, and swirl it around with your dick.

Earn Your Red Wings: Eat a girl out while she is on her period.

Dirty Sanchez: Finger her ass while you fuck her from behind, then pull out your finger, reach around, and wipe your finger above her lip, giving her a “Sanchez” mustache.

Blumpkin: Getting a blowjob while taking a dump.

Glass-bottom Boat Ride: Laying Saran wrap on your face and having your partner take a shit on it

Rusty Trombone: Tonguing his ass while reaching around and giving him a hand job.

The Cowboy: Fuck her from behind, then either 1) say her sister’s name or 2) say you have herpes, grab hold, and see how long you can ride her until she bucks you off.

The Friendly Stranger: Fuck her from behind in front of a window, push her head into the pillow, and then switch places with your best friend and go outside and wave at her when she finally picks her head up from the pillow.

There you go. Now you have an idea of what Marines talk about when they are bored…which is often.