Let’s discuss polyamory, monogamy, and swinging.
Polyamory means “poly”, which means “many” and “amory” is from “love”. So to be polyamorous, you are a lover of many. In a crude sense, you love and have sex with multiple people of the opposite sex. However, in how it applies to my situation, you are a lover of many of both sexes. Does that qualify me as a bisexual slut? It seems so because that is what I’ve been called by many.
Robert A. Heinlein is one of my most favorite writers. I read Stranger in a Strange Land when I was 17, and the book’s ideas of a “water brother” stuck with me. The main character’s views on love and sex and relationships was very interesting to me but at the time, I discounted it as a work of science fiction. (Read the book.)
As I’ve grown up from a world of monogamy and ventured into polyamory, I’ve adapted a different approach to love completely. All I want is to love people, to support them and their dreams, to give them what they most desire that I can give. And sometimes, if the chemistry is right, I will want to have sex with them. Hell, if they want me badly enough, I’ll have sex with them even if the chemistry isn’t there. I understand that is a little unethical, but sex is fun if done properly. And a LOT of people are evidently having really terrible sex. If I can help, why not?
I fought this feeling for years (oh, god, I’m starting to act like I’m fighting my biological urges like the gays are told to do. That concept will probably be addressed in other post.). It wasn’t until I had exhausted the “swinger” era of my life that I realized I didn’t want to swing. I wanted to love. And swingers are forbidden to love their lovers. A swinger is supposed to have sex and explore other people sexually outside of their marriage but never fall in love with them.
Well, unless swingers are going to fuck a bunch a strangers (no judgement from me here), they are bound to begin to feel the stirrings of love. If a person finds someone interesting enough for GOOD sex to occur, how does a person completely isolate their hearts from the act?
Heads up, they don’t.
Here’s some anecdotal evidence for you. I have been in relationships with lots of married men (over 20 different men). Some were swingers, their wives watching us have sex, and some had me firmly in the “other woman who will never be mentioned or shown in public” position, and some had me firmly in the friend zone and would only come to me for intelligent conversation and humor.
Every. Single. One. Of. Them. Fell. In. Love. With. Me.
I mean, come on, I know I’m pretty awesome so I totally don’t blame them. But it would happen and they would, unless they were an awful person, feel terrible. Why? The only reason someone should feel guilty is if they are lying to their spouse or being deceitful. No one should feel guilty for loving someone else.
It was always nice to see someone I loved be with someone else they loved, cooking dinner or playing with the kids. The room would be filled with love, acceptance, and warmth. That is, unless the wife didn’t know that her husband was going to bend me over in the garage later on…then the experience of familial love became tainted.
I feel so conflicted about my views on love. This isn’t how I was raised. This isn’t what society accepts. But this is what I want; a house full of love and warmth and acceptance and maybe someone to help wrangle the dang kids because holy crap, it takes a village. The jealousy is present, indeed, but it hurts like a loose tooth. I like to keep wiggling it, feeling the pain until the tooth is gone.
What is wrong with having more love?
Do ya grok?