The One Where I Discuss What Love Is To Me

Let’s discuss polyamory, monogamy, and swinging. 

Polyamory means “poly”, which means “many” and “amory” is from “love”. So to be polyamorous, you are a lover of many. In a crude sense, you love and have sex with multiple people of the opposite sex. However, in how it applies to my situation, you are a lover of many of both sexes. Does that qualify me as a bisexual slut? It seems so because that is what I’ve been called by many. 

Robert A. Heinlein is one of my most favorite writers. I read Stranger in a Strange Land when I was 17, and the book’s ideas of a “water brother” stuck with me. The main character’s views on love and sex and relationships was very interesting to me but at the time, I discounted it as a work of science fiction. (Read the book.)

As I’ve grown up from a world of monogamy and ventured into polyamory, I’ve adapted a different approach to love completely. All I want is to love people, to support them and their dreams, to give them what they most desire that I can give. And sometimes, if the chemistry is right, I will want to have sex with them. Hell, if they want me badly enough, I’ll have sex with them even if the chemistry isn’t there. I understand that is a little unethical, but sex is fun if done properly. And a LOT of people are evidently having really terrible sex. If I can help, why not? 

I fought this feeling for years (oh, god, I’m starting to act like I’m fighting my biological urges like the gays are told to do. That concept will probably be addressed in other post.). It wasn’t until I had exhausted the “swinger” era of my life that I realized I didn’t want to swing. I wanted to love. And swingers are forbidden to love their lovers. A swinger is supposed to have sex and explore other people sexually outside of their marriage but never fall in love with them. 

Well, unless swingers are going to fuck a bunch a strangers (no judgement from me here), they are bound to begin to feel the stirrings of love. If a person finds someone interesting enough for GOOD sex to occur, how does a person completely isolate their hearts from the act?

Heads up, they don’t. 

Here’s some anecdotal evidence for you. I have been in relationships with lots of married men (over 20 different men). Some were swingers, their wives watching us have sex, and some had me firmly in the “other woman who will never be mentioned or shown in public” position, and some had me firmly in the friend zone and would only come to me for intelligent conversation and humor. 

Every. Single. One. Of. Them. Fell. In. Love. With. Me. 

I mean, come on, I know I’m pretty awesome so I totally don’t blame them. But it would happen and they would, unless they were an awful person, feel terrible. Why? The only reason someone should feel guilty is if they are lying to their spouse or being deceitful. No one should feel guilty for loving someone else. 

It was always nice to see someone I loved be with someone else they loved, cooking dinner or playing with the kids. The room would be filled with love, acceptance, and warmth. That is, unless the wife didn’t know that her husband was going to bend me over in the garage later on…then the experience of familial love became tainted. 

I feel so conflicted about my views on love. This isn’t how I was raised. This isn’t what society accepts. But this is what I want; a house full of love and warmth and acceptance and maybe someone to help wrangle the dang kids because holy crap, it takes a village. The jealousy is present, indeed, but it hurts like a loose tooth. I like to keep wiggling it, feeling the pain until the tooth is gone. 

What is wrong with having more love?

Do ya grok?

3 thoughts on “The One Where I Discuss What Love Is To Me

  1. This is so far my favorite post. I’ve to say, you have so far kept me interested that I am beginning to look forward to what comes next.

    ‘Societal Norms!’ Who gives a rat’s ass?! I think it is sad at just how we are conditioned by what society deems acceptable that we fail to ever fully and wholly embrace our individuality. There is a quote by Marcus Aurelius that I particularly love:

    “Let men see, let them know, a real man, who lives as he was meant to live”.

    I can’t see any good reason why you should be conflicted with your definition of what love is or what sort of life you choose for yourself. It will seem as though you are quite comfortable with the consequences of being call a ‘slut’ etc etc. If you love yourself, accept yourself for who and what you are. Shed all definition that society places on you and become who you should be.

    “I have often wondered how it is that every man loves himself more than all the rest of men, but yet sets less value on his own opinions of himself than on the opinions of others.” Marcus Aurelius.

    1. As you read some of my stories, you will begin to understand why I do not love myself. I find it easier to search for others to love than look inward and love myself after what I’ve done. Perhaps that is the purpose of this blog: for me to begin to love myself.

      As for accepting the term of “slut”, I believe that the term is watered down. If I’m going to be called a slut for wearing shorts and spaghetti straps, I may as well enjoy a lot of orgasms.

      1. Isn’t loving yourself or love about loving others?! Of course you do love yourself, you just have to open your eyes and see that it is so. There is only one way to have love in your life, that is by giving love. That is the purist form of self-love. Love is or should be synonymous to giving. Like as I said, you already love yourself, it is up to you now to understand that love.

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